The world is very loud sometimes. It’s always telling me things. It thinks everything it has to say is so important. Like that fan over there, it’s spinning and buzzing. I heard it the first time the universe let me know it was there and what it was doing, but it has to keep informing me. So I am having a hard time listening to this very important conversation. The world doesn’t think this conversation is important, because it’s not life threatening, but the color of that person’s hat is. It is very dangerous. And the texture of the cup I’m holding, that is very important.
Except none of that information is important. Not to me. I’m in no real danger, but my brain doesn’t know that. My body doesn’t know that. So I’m uncomfortable and I sit here as if in a lecture being told all this information by the universe. And you sit there wondering why I’m so quiet and shy.
I invited you over last week. Just the two of us. I invited you to my quiet space. I invited you to a space in which I felt safe and comfortable and thus could focus on your world. I invited you into a space where I could give you my full attention. I invited you into my world. A world in which I am silly and enthusiastic and passionate. I invited you to see me as I am, in my element. I invited you to a very vulnerable place. I invited you to see me.
You didn’t show up. You made it harder to invite someone else. You made it harder to put out an invitation into the world for someone to see me, to get to know me. You told me you forgot or maybe you slept through your alarm. You told me you were sick. You told me you couldn’t come.
Me, I sat and waited. I waited with excitement. I had plans and stories and I made tea. I made tea because we might talk and lot you would get thirsty. I brought out a story I wrote. I wanted you to read it and discuss it. I was going to let you borrow my favorite movie.
But you didn’t show up. I said, it’s fine, maybe next time. I didn’t feel fine. I wasn’t fine. I won’t be fine. Not for a while. It’s not your fault. You didn’t know. How could you know? You never gave me the chance to tell you. I was ready to. I was ready to tell you all of this. Now I can’t. I can’t because the world is very loud sometimes. It’s always telling me things. It thinks everything it has to say is so important. Like that fan over there.
Thank you Emily Rogers for helping me get my thought on paper!